Status Updates

Status updates. Remember that thing called MySpace? I know random though huh? Well the other day I thought to myself “do I still have an account?” I know I have one for the theater but do I still have a personal account? Guess what folks I did, yes past tense it’s gone but before I deleted it I needed a stroll down memory lane, I mean it was my first “real” social networking site.

When MySpace first came out I was addicted to it, it was like crack (I know my close friends who are reading this are thinking, um…you are addicted to Facebook now. Don’t fret, I will be getting to that monster called Facebook soon enough.) When I signed onto MySpace I check out my old updates and I laughed pretty hard. I realized that I used MySpace to say what I wanted to people without telling them it was about them. Of course they knew it was about them and luckily most of the time it solved problems that couldn’t have been solved because each person was too stubborn to start the conversation.

So, here’s my question why can’t your update be “Joe Smith you suck! I hope you choke on your own vomit that was the worst date I’ve ever had in my life. You know I hate seafood – so Red Lobster was wrong. You know I hate action movies – Transformers 3 was a real intelligent choice. By the way the goodnight kiss, I’m still cleaning your spit off my eye – advice – SLOW DOWN if I wanted spit on my eye I would make out with a Saint Bernard! Have a nice life and lose my number.”

Imagine if it was that easy, but life is never that easy it’s much easier to put something cryptic up like “Eh” or “I’ve had better.” Then when Joe Smith gets home he can check your update to see how much you loved your date and wonder…”BETTER WHAT? Better movie? Better date? Better kiss? BETTER WHAT?!?!? You get me every time facebook!”  Being on both sides of Joe’s situation I can tell you it does suck wondering if that update may or may not be about you and it might be about your date (I know that was a little Annelle huh?”)

That was MySpace. So obviously I grew up since then after all I am 32, my Facebook status updates must be more mature than that…okay you can all stop laughing. Yes my small faithful viewers I am still that person, but lately not so much. I did look back a little and it wasn’t that long ago I wrote cryptic updates hoping people in my life would get the hint. It always seemed to stir the pot but never really solved anything it always made it worse. So from now on if I hate you I’ll just say it, not in a status update but in a private message, doing it in a public forum is tactless.

“Hmmm…JJ you sound very mature right now. It sounds like some people pissed you off by status updates that were aimed at you and you didn’t even call them out on it.” For this I have to say, “I’m like the encyclopedia Britannica – just when you think I’m done I had you another volume.”

Of course I’m not going to call people out in this blog but it might be fun to interpret some updates. Chosen at random and reworded to protect the innocent of course…

1.      

"All I see is fireworks when you smile." – means “Your life sucks without me, I’ve found someone else and I hope you know this is about you!”

“I had the most amazing night of my life, nothing else has ever compared to this night!” – means “Still reading? Yes I’m having better sex now without you and I hope you know this is about you!”

“Eh” – means “I shouldn’t of eaten that burger, I’m shitting my brains out!”

“Don’t you love it when you can just spend the night in.” – means “I’m broke I spent all my money last night, you know you want to take me out for a drink.”

“You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you, don’t you” – means exactly that, but people stop posting song lyrics, not gonna lie it’s kinda lame. It’s lame because I have chronic lyrictosis and don’t know they are lyrics and I think they are about me. So stop it!

You see where this is going right? If you got something to say, say it to my face. It’s easier and I will return the favor, because I’d rather your status update be “Pooping on the toilet” instead of “Your life sucks without me.”

Am I guilty of everything I write in this blog? Hell Yeah…are you? Is it you? Don’t you wonder? Could be, could not be…

FYI this is not a blog of anger because “I’m laughing at you right now” – means “I actually am.”

JJ – Mood - happy